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Daily Deviation
Daily Deviation
June 10, 2012
etch-a-sketch by ~Willowshine
Featured by thorns
Suggested by SilverInkblot
Literature Text
he wrote his suicide note on an etch-a-sketch board.
elmo-red frame, golden paint drawing out the classy cursive logo, white bottle-cap knobs, and a fake digital screen.
a child's dream.
it took him six hours to revisit his childhood for the last time.
[it didn't take that long because he didn't know what to say, but because he wanted to finally do something right.]
he carefully turned each knob, forming darkened pixels into letters, letters into words, and words into spider-silk-thin sentences that would rip and fade, just as spider webs did.
his words faded a bit when you accidentally knocked it off his dresser so you could take it to the funeral.
faded a bit when you went over that speed bump on the road and the little board bounced around a bit in the car.
faded a bit when you walked over to his open casket and dropped it next to his mortician-treated body.
faded a bit when the mini-crane dropped the casket into the grave just a moment too early, and so the death-box shook like a fat bird landing on a small tree branch.
and by then
his words would be gone.
faded.
like his presence in the counselor's office after school days when all the counselor could do was give him lollipops.
like his number of calls to the i-can't-do-this-anymore hotline, because their message was always the same.
like himself.
Literature
Adieu
Strangling myself with this silence,
I am one rung closer–
with every little death descending deeper
into Gehenna's bowels,
brandishing a soul through drawn eyes
and watching it all burn.
A plea for deliverance
stretches thin over this thrust
my masochist thirst insists.
If asphyxia is Heaven,
my throat is the horizon.
You can't sever midnight sky from sea,
the black from the blue.
Rolling back on my spine serpentine grande,
I at last experience revelation.
To dream in grayscale and melancholy
is to never suffer disappointment
at the hands of Life's disastrous folly.
I feast upon the fruit of despair–
its
Literature
couldn't blue
i draw a picture of
tomorrow morning:
a man in a silver box sells
75 cent coffee and bad bagels.
his shirt is the kind of blue no one ever
tried to name a crayon after.
dust-plastic blue,
tried to love you
(couldn't)
blue.
and the morning is that same color,
the color of canned lightning-bugs and
unfiltered cigarettes and desire,
because that is all you
draw with couldn't blue.
i pay him 1.25 in change and purse-lint
so that a fourth-world factory can make more
silver boxes to sell more things
more stale blueberry muffins.
and he will keep gathering change
in 75 cent purse-lint increments
in the small sinking townships of
Literature
Superimpose
He doesn't look like a gymnast. He's all button down shirts and frazzled grey hair framing wire spectacles, a picture perfect professorial archetype down to the very tips of his frayed shoelaces. But he was a gymnast once, or so he tells us, and I believe him because he smiles like he knows something while he's chatting before class.
It's strange to see that image superimposed over the current one – the distinguished professor in pressed khaki slacks and a jacket, worn brown loafers exuding a faintly courteous manner (you can always tell them by their shoes), and a ring on the fourth finger of his left hand – versus the athletic ki
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been working on this piece for a ridiculously long time, but it still doesn't feel complete. feedback, anyone? i'd love to hear some.
written revolution critique --> [link]
critique questions:
does the piece feel incomplete to the reader? if so, where does it feel like the piece is most lacking?
also, is the use of 'you' too distracting?
featured here by DLD [link]
update: i was absolutely floored to discover that this piece was featured as a DD! i cannot express how thankful i am for all the support, especially from =SilverInkblot and ^thorns for the feature<3
written revolution critique --> [link]
critique questions:
does the piece feel incomplete to the reader? if so, where does it feel like the piece is most lacking?
also, is the use of 'you' too distracting?
featured here by DLD [link]
update: i was absolutely floored to discover that this piece was featured as a DD! i cannot express how thankful i am for all the support, especially from =SilverInkblot and ^thorns for the feature<3
© 2012 - 2024 Willowshine
Comments294
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I really enjoyed the piece 
sad yet permanent ending, kinda makes you begin to wonder why it happened, which is good cause it draws the reader in and makes them think. I can kinda see why you might think it is incomplete, maybe its the feeling that the reader needs to know more? Maybe elaborate on either how he is feeling or what happened to even bring him to this point, and if there had been a way to save him, it might add to the finality of the situation at the end. Hope this helps, and great job!!
sad yet permanent ending, kinda makes you begin to wonder why it happened, which is good cause it draws the reader in and makes them think. I can kinda see why you might think it is incomplete, maybe its the feeling that the reader needs to know more? Maybe elaborate on either how he is feeling or what happened to even bring him to this point, and if there had been a way to save him, it might add to the finality of the situation at the end. Hope this helps, and great job!!