he wrote his suicide note on an etch-a-sketch board. elmo-red frame, golden paint drawing out the classy cursive logo, white bottle-cap knobs, and a fake digital screen. a child's dream.
it took him six hours to revisit his childhood for the last time. [it didn't take that long because he didn't know what to say, but because he wanted to finally do something right.]
he carefully turned each knob, forming darkened pixels into letters, letters into words, and words into spider-silk-thin sentences that would rip and fade, just as spider webs did.
his words faded a bit when you accidentally knocked it off his dresser so you could take it to the funeral.
faded a bit when you went over that speed bump on the road and the little board bounced around a bit in the car.
faded a bit when you walked over to his open casket and dropped it next to his mortician-treated body.
faded a bit when the mini-crane dropped the casket into the grave just a moment too early, and so the death-box shook like a fat bird landing on a small tree branch.
and by then his words would be gone. faded. like his presence in the counselor's office after school days when all the counselor could do was give him lollipops. like his number of calls to the i-can't-do-this-anymore hotline, because their message was always the same. like himself.
I really enjoyed the piece sad yet permanent ending, kinda makes you begin to wonder why it happened, which is good cause it draws the reader in and makes them think. I can kinda see why you might think it is incomplete, maybe its the feeling that the reader needs to know more? Maybe elaborate on either how he is feeling or what happened to even bring him to this point, and if there had been a way to save him, it might add to the finality of the situation at the end. Hope this helps, and great job!!
This is beautifully sad...The innocence of the metaphor is amazing and contrasting to the subject. And I think we've all experienced how hard etch-a-sketch is to write with, and that sense of difficulty and diligence in writing that last note really contrasts to its ephemeral nature.
Personally, it really hits close to home...I have a friend who's contemplating suicide, and from talking to him, this is exactly what his tone of voice feels like. Faded.
(Not to mention how I tried both counselor's office at school and the suicide hotlines option, but they kept on referring me to other places...Very frustrating. Well, the counselor helped a little, but not enough. It's sad that no one takes it seriously.)